Conservative column: farewell, taz!

Our author still likes the taz very much. But somehow different than before. That’s why he’s calling it a day.

Farewell. Picture: dpa

Dear,

writing the following is not easy for me. After all, we have been together for almost ten years, and in that time you have become very important to me. An affair turned into a permanent relationship. I have learned a lot from you. But you already know what I’m trying to say. You are too good for me.

Nobody is like you, please never forget that. You’ll accept almost any opinion as long as it’s written before the deadline. You like to argue, but you also forgive. You are committed to enforcing the principle that people are equal in rights and duties – and you yourself are unique. And I’m sure I’ll understand someday why I visited you one morning, and at the front door you welcomed me with a penis tattoo.

No, dear taz, it’s all up to me. I simply have to be alone now. I still like you very much, but somehow differently than before. Our relationship is not over, on the contrary. It is solid. So solid, in fact, that I think we should see other people, too. You don’t have to overdo it with being alone.

It’s not up to you. You are the most beautiful taz there is. I know you think you’re too loud and too quiet. Too old and too young. Too naive and too hardened. Too nice and too rough. Too poor and too luxurious. Too uniform and too confused. Too trusting and too authoritarian. Too thin and too fat and comfortable. But I assure you: You are all of these at the same time.

Others would therefore certify you a dissociative identity disorder. I would never do something like that, dear taz. We know how unpredictable split personalities are.

We haven’t always made it easy for each other. I was in your ear with stories about all the parties that weren’t high up in the trees. After the Bundestag elections, Twitter friends of yours said that I had successfully destroyed the Greens and the Pirates. Of course, that was a grossly abbreviated statement. I also reported on the FDP.

For four and a half years, I wrote to you in this column what I knew about men. If you have further questions about men and women: Everything you need is in the books "Mild Guys" and "The Movie Seducer." They are really very good, because they were written by me. Later, the column dealt with what is conservative today. This, dear taz, will be my last gloss. I will miss our two rascals "men" and "conservative." I would like to see how they develop. There would still be so much to write about them. Especially now that both have found a common hobby. So please keep me informed about the AfD.

Dear taz, you have to let me go now. We are both in the second half of our thirties. I want to grow and learn. I’m not getting any younger, although I often hear that, though for some time now only from that older gentleman in the mirror.

I hope we can remain Facebook friends. I don’t think I can live without you, but as of today, I’m just going to give it a try.

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