Osman Engin is a satirist in Bremen. He reads his stories on Cosmo radio under the title "Everyday Life in the Ottoman Empire." His longseller is the crime novel "Tote essen keinen Doner" (dtv).
My wife Eminanim and my communist son Mehmet pick me up from the police station in the Ford Transit.
"Father, how am I supposed to look people in the eye now? What possessed you to take part in an illegal Pegida-Corona demonstration?" Mehmet rants for all he’s worth.
"And in such a stupid SS uniform! Do you actually know how stupid you look in it?" my wife scolds angrily.
"Guys, calm down! It’s not what it looks like! I’m completely innocent!"
"Father, you’re even still wearing that shitty uniform! Can’t you at least take off your cap?"
"Mehmet, do you want me to walk around naked? All right, I’ve just told the story to the cops several times, now I’ll tell it to you too. Eminanim, you were shopping. I took advantage of the opportunity and immediately switched on the soccer channel. While Werder was storming, someone rang the doorbell of our apartment. Grandma Fischkopf from upstairs stood in the hallway with shining eyes and said that today was the birthday of her blessed husband Herbert. ‘Happy birthday, Mrs. Fischkopf,’ I said, and immediately turned back to the TV. Then Grandma Fischkopf suddenly conjured up a suit and said that this good piece had been her beloved Herbert’s favorite suit and would I be so kind as to put it on. That would bring back fond memories for her.
Sure, no problem,’ I said, and while I was putting it on, the doorbell rang in the Werder Gate and at the same time at the front door downstairs. Grandma Fischkopf said that her friend Hertha had come with her walker and that I could help her up. Sure, no problem,’ I said and ran downstairs. As I stepped outside the door, a storm of applause erupted. Several hundred people who had just passed our house cheered me frenetically. Two young boys came up to me and lifted me on their shoulders. Everyone wanted to have their picture taken with me like crazy. I was photographed exactly 75 times! That this was really a Pegida-Corona demo and that I was wearing an SS uniform, I really only found out all that at the police station. I swear to you!"